By Jo

Last week, we talked about knowing when to put it down.

This week?

Let the sunshine in.

I have a personality where people tend to open up to me about their problems. Maybe I'm easy to talk to. Maybe it's because I don't immediately judge people. Either way, I've had plenty of conversations lately about anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and simply not knowing what to do next.

And I've come to believe that anxiety can grow when we continuously avoid what is bothering us.

You know something needs to change, but you don't act.

You know the conversation needs to happen, but you avoid it.

You know the application needs to be submitted, the class needs to be started, the plan needs to be created—but you keep thinking about it instead.

Meanwhile, that little problem starts taking up more and more space in your head.

That's the dangerous part.

Sometimes you're not overwhelmed because the problem is impossible. You're overwhelmed because you haven't gathered enough evidence to know whether it's actually impossible.

Action gives you information.

I've lived this myself. I knew about my current career path for more than seven years before the opportunity finally became realistic. During that time, I built experience, strengthened my resume, learned new skills, and kept moving.

The opportunity didn't suddenly appear out of nowhere.

I became prepared enough to recognize it when it arrived.

I've seen the same thing happen with people going back to school. Someone can spend years convinced that getting a degree is too difficult, too expensive, or too late—only to finally take action and discover they're much closer to the finish line than they thought.

That's why you can't always trust the feeling of being far away.

You have to test it.

And yes, sometimes you'll fail. Sometimes you'll discover that something isn't for you. That's information too.

But sitting there drinking, smoking, overthinking, or constantly distracting yourself may temporarily ease the discomfort, but it doesn't move the goalpost any closer.

Action does.

You don't have to solve your entire life today.

Start somewhere.

Make the call.

Submit the application.

Have the conversation.

Take the walk.

Open the book.

Build the plan.

You might discover you're closer than you ever imagined.

That's what I mean by letting the sunshine in.

Stop allowing fear to occupy every room in your mind.

Give yourself an opportunity to see what's possible.

You don't have to know exactly how the story ends.

You just need enough courage to turn the page.

Keep going. The light may be closer than you think.

TAKING ACTION is a better form of measurement of what lies ahead versus sitting there and not doing anything.

I’m often reminded of how much people have in common. Of course we’re all different in various ways, but even someone you hate or despise shares at least one common trait with you:

Humanity.

This humanity is the singular thing that I think can get lost in a crowded world. We focus so much on our differences, and it really gets in the way of progress on a larger scale.

On a regular basis through interacting with people at work or in my personal life, I’m constantly reminded of the battles and challenges that people are fighting every day. Some of these battles are obvious and visible while others are hidden out of privacy, embarrassment, or to keep others from worrying about them.

That person you see every day or pass by on your daily commute, at the store, or on the opposite side of the screen has a world of challenges unique to their own lives. It’s not our business to know everyone’s business. However, through our humanity we can in most cases empathize or sympathize with others’ struggles.

And because those experiences differ so widely, everyone has their own carry capacity—their own limit for what they can hold.

Carry Capacity

Every day, billions of people go out into the world, table their problems, and try their best to be functional and productive members of society. Yes, there are outliers—and that’s what the media is for: to make sure we know about the outliers, because the well-adjusted folks just aren’t entertaining.

We hear these stories about people who lose their way, have breakdowns, and harm themselves or others. In these circumstances, the question is typically: were there warning signs? Or what happened to drive this person to a terrible act?

Everyone has a limit. I was taught a very important lesson early in my career that sticks with me to this day. That lesson was that your actions can have one of three impacts on a situation:

My goal when I interact with people is to avoid the last option. To do this requires you to be very mindful of your actions, mood, and how others can perceive them. Because I’m human and not perfect, I’m not successful all the time. I’m certain there are times when I’m oblivious or have tunnel vision and do something unknowingly that may upset or irritate someone, but it’s never deliberate. It’s also important to know that sometimes people are just looking for trouble, so that’s something to be mindful of as well. Those people I recommend staying away from if they bring out the worst in you.

Everyone has a bad day, and you never know what people are going through, how their day is going, or what internal battles they could be fighting. Making an effort to be respectful can go a long way. A small gesture of kindness or compassion can make the biggest difference to someone who is having a rough time.

As difficult as it can be, the concept of “it’s not always about you” holds true. It’s not about ignoring your needs, but more about understanding the humanity in us all and what that experience could be for those in our surroundings.